The Light We Carry

The Light We Carry is a pleasure to read. Like a recipe book for life - it’s full of the ingredients Obama has collected so far and the guidance she’s been given (or worked out herself) for overcoming challenges of all shapes and sizes. It’s not a self-help book, she isn’t being overly directive or speaking from a place of better-than; every section is a piece of her lived experience or a story shared. The book is split thematically - each chapter reflecting a different kind of uncertainty and the tips, tools and approaches she uses to ground herself and move towards overcoming, especially in situations where she has been singled out as different.

I do believe that there’s value in learning to identify the habits that keep us centered and grounded versus those that trigger anxiety or feed our insecurities.

She makes clear too from the beginning that what works for some may not work for others, and some tools suit in certain phases of life. Overall, the book is centered around kindling our own sense of self worth -

[…] self-knowledge builds confidence, which in turn breeds calmness and an ability to maintain perspective, which leads, finally, to being able to connect meaningfully with others - and this to me is the bedrock of all things.

Some of my favourite tools include going small when the world gets too big, and finding balance in small victories; I loved the incorporation of stories from young people who found ways to counteract the losses caused by the pandemic. Tips on how to decode fear and doubt, starting kind with a friendly “heeey buddy” in the mirror to counteract negative self-talk in the morning and putting our gladness up front, all hit home for me as do-able everyday practices. The chapter on being seen is accessible and inclusive, highlighting the disparities BIPOC face systemically. The chapters about her mum, overcoming parenting challenges and partnering well, is heartwarming, realistic and reassuring (even to someone who doesn’t have kids). She also describes her ‘kitchen table’ - her close group of friends that prop each other up, not expecting a life partner to be everything all the time. It’s the concept of investing in a kitchen table that has been my biggest take-away so far.

Life has shown me that strong friendships are most often the result of strong intentions. Your table needs to be deliberately built, deliberately populated, and deliberately tended to.

The latter part of the book feels more context driven. Writing at a time of political unrest in the United States, post-pandemic, when it seems like more rights are being retracted than created - she talks about centering herself by staying connected and collaborative, building and maintaining boundaries, and going high. In her ultimate chapter, Obama delves deeper into her motto When they go low, we go high, working through difficult questions she’s been asked regularly by people who feel enraged, despairing or dis-empowered. She reiterates that going high is about acting with integrity, it’s “what happens when you take a reaction, and mature it into a response”.

Overall, this one is an all-rounder; one to refer back to when you need a recipe for strength, or relationships, or work. I’d highly recommend it for anyone interested in self-development, or absorbing nuggets of wisdom.