Untamed

Well, it’s that time again; yet another book for the best-thing-i’ve-ever-read pile. Untamed is a beautiful memoir, but it’s also a how-to on doing hard things, letting go of the values, people and environments that no longer serve your highest self and above all, learning to love yourself in the face of a culture that leads women out of self-worth. I have more corners folded than not!

The book is fantastic, really easy to read. Each chapter is no more than a few pages, and it’s written by theme rather than chronology. From one empath to another, reading “I would die for you but not like… meet you for coffee” - I knew we were on a level. Glennon, having survived addiction, sobriety, infidelity and chronic unhappiness, walked into a book event one day and fell (with astounding intensity) in love with a woman. She burned down every bridge, and rebuilt a stronger, happier family with brand new eyes. Her writing is phenomenal - funny, quick-witted, relatable. I cried and laughed and winced alongside her, as she deep dives into parenting, self-discovery, racism, sexism and un-doing cultural cages. I just can’t tell you how fantastic it is, you’ll have to read it for yourself…

A few lessons I learnt from Glennon that have stuck with me:

1. Women should stop aspiring to be selfless. To be selfless literally means to LOSE YOURSELF in service of others. What the world needs is women who trust themselves, who love themselves entirely - the world needs more women who are full of themselves. Mind=blown.

   Women who are good at this disappearing act earn the highest praise: she’s so selfless. Can you imagine? The epitome of womanhood is to lose one’s self completely. That is the end goal of every patriarchal culture. Because a very effective way to control women is to convince women to control themselves.

2. Listen to your feelings, sometimes your body can tell you what your mind refuses to acknowledge. This is a big one when if, like me, the state of the world today weighs too heavily on your heart. Instead of reaching for netflix when it feels too much, sometimes we should allow ourselves to sink into it so that we can rise out the otherside, fighting. The world needs more prophets.

   Pain is not tragic. Pain is magic. Suffering is tragic. Suffering is what happens when we avoid pain and consequently miss our becoming.

3. Lean into discontent -

   Discontent is the nagging of your imagination. Discontent is evidence that your imagination has not given up on you. It is still pressing, swelling, trying to get your attention by whispering: ‘not this’.

4. Modesty is a disservice, aim for humility

   The word humility derives from the Latin word humilitas, which means ‘of the earth’. To be humble is to be grounded in knowing who you are. It implies the responsibility to become what you were meant to become - to grow, to reach, to fully bloom as high and strong and grand as you were created to. It is not honourable for a tree to wilt and shrink and disappear. It’s not honourable for a woman to, either.’

5. If other people have more fun than you, and you find yourself rolling your eyes and lamenting their lack of responsibility - climb down Martyrdom Mountain, ask for help and go find a new hobby.

   I had to sacrifice some of my moral high ground, perhaps lose a few points in the She Who Suffers Most competition. I think we are only bitter about other people’s joy in direct proportion to our commitment to keep joy from ourselves.

P.S - You’re not crazy, you’re a goddamn cheetah

CW: Racism, Divorce